Fashion Week Destroyed my Mental Health

By: Caroline Vazzana

I used to really love Fashion Week, and I still do, just not in the way I did when I was, say 21. When I first graduated college and started working at Teen Vogue, I got to attend Fashion Week shows for my boss, and that was one of the coolest experiences. This was pre influencers, when Fashion Week was still run by editors and the front rows were boasting with people whose articles I'd read for years and names I admired from only the masthead of my favorite publications. Fashion Week had this uber special feeling, it felt like magic almost. I'd describe it to some as Dorothy entering the Emerald City. This almost forbidden place that not many people get to enter, but once you get a foot inside you never want to leave.

It felt very exclusive, very chic, and I'd leave feeling like I was walking on cloud nine. Now, with over ten years of Fashion Weeks under my belt, the industry has changed quite a lot and it does feel different. I try very hard to bring myself back into the shoes of that 21 year old fashion assistant, fresh out of college, and feeling like anything is possible. And while I do still feel that way, that anything is possible- I guess years in the industry have harden me a little- which i hate to admit.

I still love Fashion Week and it's such a highlight in my year, but, instead of being this Emerald City, this place that feels almost magical, it now makes me a bit depressed. As someone who's been working in the creator space since 2016, I find myself a bit sad, comparing my invites, or lack of invites to others. “Why was that person invited to that show and I wasn't?” Is a thought that often creeps into my head- which I know is never good. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say, but why can I not take my own advice? Listen to my own words I've said in my podcast, or written about in my book? I guess sometimes it's easier to give than follow advice.

So this season I personally found my schedule not as bright and glossy as it's been in past seasons and it left me feeling, not good enough, wondering why I wasn't being invited to my dream shows. And the answer? I don't truly know, and I might not ever. All I can do is create the content I love and focus on what brings me and my community joy.

I ended up deciding not to travel to Paris this season either, I had projects back here in New York that I needed to film and I felt like going to Paris would just further this feeling of not feeling good enough and questioning my worth as a creative. That's one of the reasons why I decided to go to Disney instead with my family.

My niece was turning two and my entire family was going- I knew this trip would bring me more joy than going to Paris, a place I LOVE and that holds such a special place in my heart, (Paris, not Disney) but is now being overshadowed with this feeling of not being enough. Not being pretty enough, skinny enough, having enough followers- and I unfortunately know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Now what can I do to fix this? Because believe me- I don't like to throw myself a pity party, even though it is sometimes a bit necessary to just sit on your cough with some ice cream and your favorite movie. But there's really not much I can do. I can mute people on social media who don't bring me joy, I can work on focusing on me, I can work on hiring people to work for me and on my team who will support me and bring me joy, and I can also take time to just be more in the moment and not stress so much on things out of my control.

I guess for my February checkin here on Making it in Manhattan, I just wanted to keep it a bit more real with you all. And I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, if you are feeling a bit lost, or less than, or not good enough, just know there's many others who might be feeling the same way.

The question- how do you deal with the pressures of social media?

I guess I kind of don't. If I truly let every hate comment, every bully who told me to get a nose job affect me- I would've been off social media years ago. All I can do is my best to tune out the chaos and noise and just be the best I can possibly be. You know? All I can do is my best, and some days if just doing the minimum is all you can do, that is okay! Not everyday needs to be an uber productive day, some days are small leaps and some are huge. Some days are filled with massive projects and others are filled with emails and hot chai tea lattes.

As we close the chapter on February I want you think back on the moments that did make you smile, for me-

1. I went to Medieval Times with some friends and it was so much fun. I hadn't been since probably a school trip in 6th grade and going now as an adult with friends is a wild experience- highly recommend.

2. Attending Christian Siriano's NYFW show- it's always one of my absolute favorites and I get to wear the most fabulous looks. Plus I always see wonderful people who I admire and love.

3. Going to Disney for my neice's 2nd birthday, it was so wholesome and just what my soul needed.

In March I'm looking forward to-

Warmer weather, hopefully, I feel like March is when the weather usually breaks and it finally starts to actually feel like spring. I love a lowkey day in the city where the weather just starts to get warm and you can walk around for hours exploring and popping into vintage stores.

I feel like this post was a bit heavy so to lighten it up a bit...

I wanted to start a new series called, "Get the Look for Less" where I pick an item in my wardrobe that is a bit pricey and find fun, affordable alternatives to it. This months item, my favorite purple sequin Fendi Baguette. Below, shop eight alternatives that are all under $100, enjoy!

Glitter crossbody bag, shop it here.
Sparkly shoulder bag, shop it here.
Sequin evening bag, shop it here.
Mixed color crossbody bag, shop it here.
Metallic shoulder bag, shop it here.
Ombre clutch, shop it here.
Opal Acrylic bag, shop it here.
Brushed rose Coach bag, shop it here.

Let me know what products from my wardorbe you'd like highlited next month.

Thats all for now, speak soon!

xx

Caroline